Why Monopoly and I Have a Love/Hate Relationship

I met Monopoly at a very young age; so young in fact, that everyone in my family beat me…at the game of course. Although, come to think of it, I did win once. But everyone always wins the first time they play a board game. It makes you feel good about yourself…little do you know, in the next round, you’ll be dashed to pieces against the rocks of embarrassment. Instead of being a healthy human being, and learning how to be a good loser, I resorted to the digital world of Monopoly…all 256 colors of it. Here I could lose in the comfort of my own room. It’s not proper etiquette to yell at human players, not even to mumble under your breath. But with a computer, you can yell and gob all over its screen, and it’ll never be offended.

After a while, I started to name my computer opponent names that I hated. The purpose of this was to get myself more passionately involved in the game; but that only made things worse, especially when I lost…all the time. Losing left me to wallow in my defeat as the computer played Sousa’s “Stars and Stripes”…in mono; there’s nothing more humiliating then getting your face rubbed in the dirt by Stars and Stripes in mono. I began to hate that stupid top hat. I also had a conspiracy that the dice would purposely land me on my opponents hotel-covered Boardwalk five times in a row just for kicks.

Now maybe you're saying to yourself right about now… “Brad, why play this game if it makes you go ballistic? Well, I will tell you. U2, in the chorus of their song “With Or Without You” pretty much sums up the relationship that Monopoly and I have. I cannot describe the magical hum of the hard disk spinning, the entrancing glow of the 640 x 480 screen, the mad tapping of my finger on the track pad, as my opponent and I race for Oriental Avenue. It’s like I’m at an all you can eat meat buffet and my mom isn’t there to lecture me about vegetables. I simply cannot help myself!

Do not think me some sort of freak, diphthong, or someone who is overly obsessive. We all have our things…things that we are ashamed of, things that we want to change. Some pick their nose, others have a Ricky Martin CD under their mattress they just cannot let go of, and still others, watch all the available bonus footage on recently purchased DVDs, even when going into the next room and watching the paint dry would be more enthralling. Me…I play Monopoly on my computer…and pick my nose. This is my gift…this is my curse.

Sincerely - Brad